this doesn't work for everyone, at all. All the feelings of worthlessness came flooding back into my head. I loved your letter. I handle things differently thru all the therapy and med changesI still wish it to go away..since now have Bipolar tendencies and PTSD isn't this all pretty much the same stuff and the rollercoaster is ongoing? I may feel hopeless, but I dont want other people to. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy - it leaves them feeling engulfed. . BPD Community Victoria. A Brief Look at My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder. I truly hope you have connected with resources to support you and have had a chance to learn more about DBT! Improve the Moment (and Your Life) with DBT, Interpersonal Effectiveness: DBT Skills at Work. OMG. Every single time you embrace my stable days when I'm the peachiest version of me you ever get to experience. Smiles, Well here goes. Or if you don't deserve that because there is nothing for them to "understand" because i have no real excuse for being this weak pathetic crazy annoying and hurtful person? Impulsive, risky behaviour. Using this website means you're okay with this. My surroundings have left me feeling like there is no hope, because no one wants to help. It wasn't untill this year, despite 15 years of being labelled, i was able to get that changed. Thank you once again. Your mind, your body, are completely taken over and you end up doing something you regret deeply but have to live with. For example, a male with BPD may engage in frequent binge drinking of. i was wondering if you could answer something for me though. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. Life can be hard for all of us at times, and if you are struggling with the problems that face people with BPD then it can get really tough. I'm in a therapeutic community in the UK which is really helping, it's 3 days a week. I open my doors. Mental health Carers Helpline. That is what a fight with a loved one feels like, or how intensely they can feel love for a single person. Dave M everything that you wrote is what I'm going through at the moment. I think about dying every single day. Furthermore, this grandparent generally claims to be perfectly well and claims that there is something wrong with all the rest of us. The one thing I would add is that people with BPD need to recognize that no matter the rationale for their actions, they do hurt people, and hurt people have a right to their feelings as much as people with BPD have a right to their own feelings. It was so overwhelming that is when they diagnosed me with severe depression and panic disorder after taking a long test and seeing several drs. Spot on insight!! I am sorry for blaming you. When I was told what it was, I went home and researched everything I could about it. People with BPD have various triggers that can set their symptoms in motion. Maybe there is hope or support out there but i can't figure out how to know who deserves it and who doesnt and if i try think about it i just panic and get nowhere, make things worse, so i was wondering what your thoughts are as this is obviously a subject you have much experience with. I keep reading things about how we cant love and that people should stay well clear of us, thankyou for writing this, my ex split with me, a week ago nd ive signed over my house coz she has nowhere to go, she jus thinks im trying to get back with her and has been told to cut all ties coz I will make her life hell, just feel so alone. BPD: Why Do We Get Triggered By TV, Movies, and Books? strong, overwhelming emotions and feelings. Ive not recovered fully from this. Most of my family doesnt believe in my diagnosis, and any friend I ever made has left because of the brief periods of time when I couldnt control my emotions. I love this person, but the situation can be so hurtful. Can you get it without having a BPD Dx on your file? Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. If you've ever read anything about BPD, you've probably heard of people who are "abusive . I have the unique ability to "throw people off" my scent when they get close to calling me out on stuffThe only reason why I am here is because my oldest told me tonight that he knows that I am "unwell" and expressed himself honestly about those characteristics in my behavior that are destroying him emotionally to be fair, I am dealing with a lot of unnormal stuff, but am really unclear as to where it all ends and I begin I really have no idea, and I am miserable. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. However, when they are presented in a manner as if the struggle somehow evaporates at the end is not logical, because life is never so linear. We are not mental health professionals nor clinicians. The most ironic thing is: I went to school to be a counselor. You are not the cause of our suffering. Did the self-medicating thing too. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. I am the 30 year old sister with BPD. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we dont have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. After nearly a year of working in a pub as a cleaner and bar staff, I finally got a . However, your information, resources and support are consistent, real, accurate and like the comfort of a warm blanket on a cold night. My question though is that, yes i have a diagnosis and relate to so much of what you say here, but the diagnosis and 9 criteria is just a list of a way someone is. I wish my girlfriend had been able to do what you have done, she fought for me for a long time, but it just became to much for her. Hi Sarah and John. If BDP people are triggered into the abyss of misery, then so are we. Debbie,I just LOVE LOVE LOVE your honesty and compassion. Yes, I know. I have emotionally detached myself quite well this time I think. They have similar symptoms, but I don't believe they can be classified the same. 1. Thank you for taking the time to comment here. It's seriously messed up. a pattern of tumultuous relationships with friends, family and loved ones. But one didas did my therapist. Reading also helps me manage my own destructive thoughts and feelings. This message is what he's been trying to tell me for the last two years and I've just never understood why he would stay with me when I have my BPD episodes, but this helps me understand. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control. She stopped answering my calls when I wanted to know if she would be home for dinner and made excuses to avoid me, staying out until 10 or 11 pm and leaving at 7am each morning. I find it so hard to put into words my struggles but you have done it perfectly. Now that I know she has BPD, it is too late for me to do anything more to help her. Be anywhere but obsolete, which is what I would be if I wasn't a people pleaser. In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. I am co-dependent, which I regard as simply the other side of the coin. I'd be honored if you shared it with your DBT Group and therapist (and your family!). I work from home. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your own progress. This is the hardest thing of all for me to overcome. Zahra Navabi*, a 20-year-old student diagnosed with BPD around July 2020, has always struggled with her mental health, her perception of herself, and her relationship with her emotions. NAMI That can make you act erratically. Click to enable/disable _gat_* - Google Analytics Cookie. So thank you. You're absolutely right that small paragraph is all that any mother with BPD who has damaged her children not only should say but it's the only thing she has any right to say. Learn how your comment data is processed. This letter really helped me in explaining my condition to all those around me. Thank you for the letter and I have seen a lot of younger people diagnosed early in life.I remember feeling this suicidal attempt when I was 15..but never went for any therapy..I just lived life and had my children and worked all the time too. My significant other felt the same way as yours that therapy was a waste of time and money, until I finally showed progress and began getting better through DBT. I'll buy them groceries. I am wondering what to do to help her. The more I read about BPD, the more I have a hunch that the girl I'm in an LDR with has been living with this or at least a similar pattern dissociation. I think all the time, but, what DO I DO?! By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. I tried telling them what I KNEW I needed treatment wise, but because it wasn't available to me, they kept telling me I just didn't WANT to get better and wouldn't take the help offered even though I actually did go through all the groups offered, which didn't help because of the other issues I struggled with which they just said was BPDit wasn't. It's like you're a baby learning everything all over again. I am grateful for this letter. The Perks of Being a Borderline Resilient, Got BPD? It takes even more work when there Shrug. Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. Having BPD is no picnic, either. Thank you fit writing this letter and for your blog. I haven't spoken to him for a week., and he hasn't contacted me. It's nice to hear this from a BPD perspective. And it also made me aware of a lot of my behavior that i was never aware of and now i have a better understanding of some of the things i do and why. Personal trainer. If I continue living how I am, I doubt I'll see the age my mother saw54. Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better. They see the behavior as maladaptive, as troubled, as abnormal. I worked as part of a DBT team during the last few years before my retirement. If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here: We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. DebbieThis is a beautiful, beautiful letter. It is intense, exhausting, and rewarding! There are many different borderline personality disorder symptoms or traits including: feeling empty inside. I have absolutely no desire to go since my mother, who is one of my past abusers will be there , and I would rather slit my wrists then be around her because she triggers me CONSTANTLY and seems to enjoy doing so Please help me. Win a copy of my new book, Stronger Than BPD! People with BPD traits often have "object permanence" issues - "out of sight is out of mind". After finally being diagnosed with BPD after hospital stays, hurting multiple people, trying med after med and more. Unfortunately, many kids of BPD's become BPD themselves because they learn the thought patterns, behaviors, and unstable feelings as a normal way to be. What you have written here is one of the most accurate and personable depictions of BPD, it gives way to understanding and hope. I just want to Scream at the both of them saying how the hell can you both do this!!!!???? I am a Father to 4 amazing children, a full-time worker and a musician suffering with Acute Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I miss you all and us so much. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. Pain that is triggered through attempts to be emotionally intimate with someone else. I was in denial until 27 years old. Your email address will not be published. People will tell you that whatever you did was your fault, and you will believe it, but they dont and cant understand how hard you fought to keep control. The emotion can easily become unbearable, which is when the BPD takes control. Debbie, Hi Kat thank you so much for sharing. I have grown up loving my mother who struggles with BPD. I have learned with time and education on my part that her pain is not my fault and it is not my responsiblity to fix. People with BPD are also more inclined to exhibit impulsive behavior or . She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. It appears you entered an invalid email. This time tho I just dont know if I can walk in all the pain any longer. Self-harm, threatening or attempting suicide. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. Keep up all the good work here! I feel like they deserve better and that I have failed miserably. I am doing 99% better now that I got proper treatment for the eating disorder. Take care allTim. What the person with borderline personality disorder will do is they will make the five calls and immediately attempt a sixth." . In my experience, one of the most effective ways of doing this is to find someone who as gone through the DBT treatment to share some of their experiences with potential or new clients. Talk therapy is the main treatment for BPD. But I fear that she will never forgive me if I maintain I didn't do anything wrong. 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