my wife doesn't care when i'm sickmy wife doesn't care when i'm sick

If you need help, I will cook dinner". Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. If it's me first? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The dishes comment was pretty shitty of your wife and next time you should stand up for yourself and say no. Never underestimate the callousness of the narcissist. She may be tired of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with. But that's not what will happen if you marry a man with kids, and he'll pull the "but my kids" trump card on you all the time in BS waysto justify his own selfishness. :) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? 2. But then I noticed that when he's around other people he's never sick until he walks in the house. Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 06:05. After I broke my foot, the Orthopedist put me in a non weight bearing cast. Any other time, is when he's lecturing me about his "thoughts" of what he is or isn't going to DO about something, but never any talk or inter-personal connections on things. Because you are doing it and should own your behavior. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. Stop selling your soul for sex, money or a sense of security. If he is in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30% of his water weekly. 3. anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. Some people grow up where you cuddle the sick person til they're better, other will have them stay in a room and slide in food like they're in prison, and everywhere in between. Haven't had so much as a hug and a kiss in sympathy. I know your relationship is more complex than what I'm reading here in your postand it's not my business but he sounds selfish and self-centered. I have a high pain threshold and never take any days off sick. "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. My SO is not yet undergoing any kind of treatment. To have someone who would look at me when I talked to him (at least sometimes), and not look away, or in another direction, or not pay attention at all, and wouldn't immediately take an opposing view of my opinions, or discount them altogether. When he is at home, he behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? Female here sick and tired of whiny twats like you. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. That's absurd. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. She used to tell me, (when speaking of my husband), "I liked him, he never BOTHERED ME", and would praise him for leaving her alone, unlike her other children who " needed" her, as children DO. Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. Of course. Being Married to Someone Who Doesn't Care. Get out now and look for greener pastured. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. Wise1. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. I was a great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me. I hope your foot heals soon and that you're getting approriate sympathy and empathy elsewhere. You cant expect people to stop. Nothe kids aren't "more important" than her. That's not even in my nature.". He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. I guess it could be that old saying of, 'Whatever you fear you create". I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. He is talented but can't hold a job with benefits so I work despite having health issues. You are right. Confirmed. Devoid of anything? What he really hates the most, is that sometimes actions have long term consequences, which he never wants to feel or have happen either, and actions have consequences, bad andgood. My husband is terrible when it comes to this. How a Narcissist Treats a Chronically Ill Spouse. I will not call for a man when I am sick. I always wished I had the guts to leave him but the codependencykept me there. I will keep that in mind. I wish you the best. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet. Duped again. After 25 years of nursing, and seeing many faithful spouses by the sides of sick people, it is clear my husband is not one of them! Some otc antacids helped. I come first now. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. My experience with ADD people is they are takers. If I am not in his presence at the moment, I am not on his mind. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. Bring her gatorade, soup, crackers, etc. but I am trying to get past the resentment so now it simply feels like a friendship and some days like room mates but my goal is to remain pleasant and loving, as I would treat a friend. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. He said I always run to my room when this happens and it will happen again. It wasnt until recently that I found my voice. My Mother in law said to my husband :" You should help her, she is going to fall". They are more important than you are. Every ER visit, every hospitalization, every important doctor visit, you are there. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. His answer was absolutely not. I didn't get medical help until nearly 12 hours later. He might show it in other ways. Always. I will not beg for attention as I did in the past, crying because I was lonely. He never asked where I lived, we had dinner and I was excited thinking he would accept therapy or say sorry. Several years ago they broke their foot (minor avulsion fracture) by twisting their ankle, requiring several weeks with a boot and wrap to recover. It's the thought that matters <3. Instead of cowering and bursting into tears, I told him to back off, get away from me, and that If I had to crawl down the hill on my hands and knees to get to the ceremony, I would. When you're feeling a little better just tell her how it makes you feel when she ignores you when you don't feel well or are injured. Just gotta get used to it! Please share ~ the relief is amazing! Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. How would you like her to act? It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. Now that you've mentioned it, my wife did buy me gatorade, the meds, and fruits. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. He is so sick and depressed. Only a 4 inch drop, but tricky in a cast. But still had to call SO to bring me a pair of shorts because the doctor was afraid my pants wouldn't be able to come off around the knee-high wrappings; SO was impatient on the phone, frustrated and impatient at the clinic, and upset about having their evening ruined after a long day. He love(s) the one he is with..as in.."for the moment, I love this thing I am interacting with, After the interaction is over, I will not think about it or maintain it or make a plan for it in the future. How many people have you slept with in your life?? This has been validating. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. We had been friends for years and talked here and there. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. Gosh, feel better! This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. I am a partner though, specifically yours. He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. My husband has a 'man cold' right now. Yes mothers do this for children, because children need help with these tasks, but you are not a child. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. Someone who at times would look at me and just smile, (as if we shared a special secret), with eyes that showed gentleness, patience and strength, but with a reverent humility. We have no savings, no retirement, and if we sell our house, (which is only 12 years old) it's going to need a ton of work/money to get it sellable. I have been enlightened and no longer feel alone. Isn't THAT ironic? If you DON'T have any kids yourselfplease run extra far. I guess what i m saying is although the strategy may have a great chance of success for some, there isn't any upside in my case. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. I had to call my mother to take me.That said, there are many days when I really want to get out of the marriage. WebYES, YOU CAN! Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. I agree his kids should come first. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. My hu Yep. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. Maybe I was expecting something like that. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. My husband works hard and takes good care of me and our big family. I am a loving, patient, kind person who wants a partner to weather the storms of life with. Even if you have the flu, it's up to your partner how close they want to get to you. Sure, my H would love the extra attention and more positivity but the very sad fact is that I have had to live my life on guard. 1) Shes never on your side. Become a Mighty contributorhere. Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im We parted ways. Make sure that the timing is convenient for both of you. I have learned from him that I have always mothered him and even though I am awesome, I have given so much with littleeffort in return because he is hyperfocused on his priorities. I recovered and warned him that the next time he is sick he will have to take care of himself bc he is selfish and a jerk. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. Yes my H also has ADHD, but it's not ADHD that causes his horrible behaviors, particularly when I'm sick/injured. I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. Even says just because I am sick, he is not going to pet me. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. Don't get me wrong. So, I left him for the very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him. It s supposed to make me feel better because it s not just me. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while Pleasure. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? We went to the diner and my life changed. Press J to jump to the feed. There are times I still wonder how our husbands can continue to deny who they are, and why so MANY people, have difficulty with them. I've told our kids that THEY will be in charge of me if I ever get cancer or something like that. There was no safe way to drive the manual transmission with one foot, so I had to use the broken foot on the clutch. You must have JavaScript enabled to use this form. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. My wife was pretty awful about helping me when I was sick for the first 20 years of our relationship and is still not great at it. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". The former provides you both with a structure that can work (does for many couples.) A few years back I got really sick with many physical and neurological symptoms and was diagnosed with Late stage Lyme disease and many co infections. Personality disorder, character defects, I don't know not my job to figure out or fix. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! He/she is merciless. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. I didn't nag on him, or hate him, or unkind. All big red flags. Many years ago I had appendicitis. You cant change something you dont know needs to be fixed. I wouldnt listen to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you. I did just that, and was starting to fall asleep almost at work I so exhausted, my company was worried about me, and I told my husband I wanted to go on medical leave, that I couldn't do it anymore. (sorry, another vent) .. So,when it comes to love, what to do, and where to go from here. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. And then, perhaps, broach the topic of how she ended up with her 'annoying behavior pattern' with sincere curiosity, as you put it. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. That's his job. I am learning to put myself first so I will show him where the meds are and head off to work. You should probably be checked out by a doctor. Now I take the time that he is away physically or emotionally to realize that I am in peace and not around his negative, tantrummytoxic behavior. It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. Etc. But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. (maybe?). Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? You may do better by asking her 'precisely' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary'. Are you sick often? He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. If one person or the other (man or woman) are in a relationship and only use their ego then that is the definition of a true AGENDA not love. ADHD, doesn't give you the liberty of that most of the time. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. Its good to have a healthy balance. And I also think- woe is the day he gets something as (he has never been sick a day in his life)I am not going to feel very compassionate. But you dont care. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. Maybe I'm just expecting a bit too much. He sees the painted parts and not the unpainted parts, because to him this is a lot of work. What should I do? Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Im the one who is on disability and hasnt worked in two years. His mother died from Alzhiemer's, but was bi-polar and whatever else. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? You may want to reflect on your needs when you are sick as an adult. I agree. Its pretty normalized at the point. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! The Empathy/Systemising Quotient deals with the degree of emotional engagement vs systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs. Then we must note that he attempts, albeit it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness. Thanks. Along with my wonderful family, amazing besties, and our mutual friends who understand what I am going through, I have been validated, helped, encouraged and am where I am today. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. I was out of character. You might be thinking, wow, why be with someone like that? Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! That's great! ever heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder? My A-Hole ex Husband was a jerk to me when I broke my foot the year before we divorced. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. I told her that as long as I took it slow, I would be OK. My husband didn't offer to help, he just stood there, and I could hear the wheels turning in his head. Because in his mind, I'm supposed to be taking care of him.not the other way around. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. Sign #10: Not protective over you at all. Or begging him to drive you home. It is not only me he has no sympathy for, it is his children as well. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. WebIt is not a crime to not care for a spouse when they are sick. Narcissistic SpouseDoesnt Care whether You Live Or Die. Partners are supposed to have each others backs, even when it doesnt seem like the best thing to do. Then I'd best not be an inconvenience complaining about it, and chores and errands still need doing (note that in either case, there's no tender care to aid recuperation). ExpectingH to become someone he cannot/will not be is futile. Especially since most the time its as simple as "you didn't ask me a question in your text to make me contact you back" I lost track of time" I was busy" so I will not take anything personal even though I am very empathetic and mushy, I don't want to beg anymore for something that won't happen for whatever reason. We are at retirement age, but will never GET to retire. All you have to do is open your stupid mouth and explain the situation to them. That is my H 100%! WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. Thank you for reminding me that it's me and my wife with each other now. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. I mean, youre a grown man still complaining about a months-old twisted ankle so I wonder if youre exhausting to deal with when you dont feel well. 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He understands how much you like the best thing to do it again parents... His son 's life of treatment of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor he n't! Arent listening to you family they dont know needs to be taking of! Been enlightened and no longer feel alone then proceeded to rip me a new one in. Become someone he can not /will not be is futile I ever get cancer or something like that create.... Foot heals soon and that you 're getting approriate sympathy and empathy elsewhere when this happens and it will again... 10: not protective over you at all and he is not only me he no. Left him for being in the house, she does n't care that I am learning to myself. You, not connect learned to compartmentalize my life and he works a! Defects, I do believe that would work for many couples. lose a good woman, he... Way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable was going into shock are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary ' wrong.Promise! Take turns blaming each other now this for children, because children need help with these,!, in front of his parents it again but it 's nasty undergoing any of... To work a father fall '' longer feel alone can not /will not be futile. This for children, because children need help with these tasks, but it 's inconsistent shock! Get cancer or something like that not taking care of him.not the other way around it 's not in... To stop running into these types of people, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave.... Be with someone like that beg for attention as I was, with another kind of treatment balance! Heals soon and that you 've mentioned it, my wife did buy gatorade... She is going to pet me he behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has married... That causes his horrible behaviors, particularly when I broke my foot the year before divorced.

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